Quiet - Susan Cain
The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking
Rosa Parks was a great example of something that is often seen as a paradox, someone who is both quiet and courageous, shy and strong.
Personality extremely important for how our lives play out, and strongest personality indicator is where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum.
Despite this big spectrum, and the historical importance of people all over it, recently there seems to be a heavy focus on extroverts. Being bold and being social. “Extrovert Ideal”
As a result, many introverts hide their tendency, both from society but also from themselves, pretending to be extroverts.
Both in schools and at work, team work and group projects are more and more highly valued and seen as the gold standard for productivity.
While society sees certain people as “loners”, they can also be seen as thinkers.
Carl Jung was the first to popularize the introvert/extrovert division in his 1921 book “Psychological Types”. But even today psychologists still argue about the right definition.
Introverts can be, but don’t have to be, hermits. They can be very sociable, but at some point need solitude to recharge. They also don’t have to be shy (shyness is always associated with anxiety).
Introverts tend to avoid overstimulation.
There are also shy extroverts, who would e.g. like to speak up in a meeting but are too anxious, while a calm introvert might be perfectly happy not to say anything (or at least not much). To the outside though, those two types appear the same.
My own result of 20 question introvert/extrovert test on p. 14: Fairly even between types, but very strong feeling on most questions. Might be “ambivert”.
[q] “There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.”
- Carl Jung
Introverts tend to be “highly sensitive”, which has many implications, from being more easily moved by a piece of art, to having a stronger conscience and being nervous when being evaluated.
I. The Extrovert Ideal
1. The Rise of the “Mighty Likeable Fellow"
At the beginning of the 20th century America underwent a shift from “Culture of Character” to “Culture of Personality” (Warren Susman), with salesmen and orators taking the spotlight.
Before, being serious, disciplined and honorable was seen as good. But that changed to being bold and entertaining. Public image over private behavior.
People interacted more and more with strangers in anonymous cities and big businesses, rather than with local people they had known all life. First impressions and “selling yourself” become crucial.
As society, including college admission and employers, started to value extrovert salesman-type more, anxiety rates (and related drug use/medication) also increased mid-century.
But extroversion is not new, it’s in our DNA, being less common in Africa and Asia. Some argue that emigrants tend to be more extroverted, hence places with migration background tend to have higher extrovert ratio.
2. The Myth of Charismatic Leadership
Self-Help industry is huge, with gurus like Tony Robbin, and promise largely to unveil extrovert values within you.
We’re urged to face social fears in an extroverted manner, the more confident and direct the better.
Initially the focus on personality over character was purely to outsell/outcompete others, but now we’re constantly told that being more extroverted actually makes us genuinely better people.
Harvard Business School (HSB) graduates are some of the most influential people in corporate and political America, responsible for many wide-ranging decisions. Attended are almost all extreme extroverts and their success ate HBS depends on it. Everything is done in teams, and people who don’t speak up often and confidently loose grades and social status.
Students who don’t fit this extreme outgoing and social nature question themselves constantly and hide their introverted nature at great mental cost.
Often the suggestion of the most talkative, assertive or confident person are chosen, whether they are actually good or not.
[q] “The risk with our students is that they’re very good at getting their way. But that doesn’t mean they’re going the right way.”
- Quinn Mills, HBS Professor
We tend to follow those who initiate action.
In fact however, many of the most successful companies were/are lead by calm, unassuming CEOs, not giant, brash personalities.
Studies have shown correlation between extroversion and leadership, but most of them were flawed in that they judge perceived leadership, not actual results.
They also considered leadership as a single thing, not distinguishing between different situations.
More recent studies have shown that extrovert leaders are only better if their employees are passive, but proactive team members are better lead by introvert leaders. Introvert leaders encourage proactive people and listen to their suggestions, extroverts are more likely to ignore them or shut them down.
But extroverts are better are inspiring passive team members.
Social media interesting. Have found that introverts actually more likely to share private things online.
Evangelical community in some ways similar to HBS, extroversion and community thinking super important for people going that route as a career. They are expected to constantly lead, organize, and attend events.
But at the core, many of the people in this career are introverts and trying to find their place in the system. There seems to be no space for contemplation.
3. When Collaboration Kills Creativity
Workplaces are also often highly social and we are more and more encouraged to do group work.
[q] “Artists work best alone where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of other people designing it for marketing or some other committee. […] Work alone. You’re going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working on your own. […] Not on a team.”
- Steve Wozniak
[bq] “Solitude can be a catalyst to innovation.”
Much points at the creative/productive power of solitude, yet our workplaces are more and more designed/optimized for the opposite.
Phenomenon of “New Groupthink”: Teamwork above all else.
We saw how powerful collaboration can be in asynchronous online settings with the success of projects like Wikipedia and simply (largely groundlessly) extrapolated this to the physical world.
Somewhat paradoxically (at first glance), open source projects attract introverts.
Solitude also required for Anders Ericsson’s concept of Deliberate Practice.
Famous “Coding War Game” experiment found that privacy in work place a large indicator of programming performance.
[bq] “Open-plan offices have been found to reduce productivity and impair memory."
In addition they increase anxiety and risk of getting ill, and decrease overall well-being.
Group brainstorming, popularized in the 1940s/50s by Alex Osborn, has been shown to produce both less and lower quality ideas than solitary brainstorming.
One exception: Remote online collaboration for idea generation. Apparently combines the best of both worlds.
Three often found reasons against group work:
Social loafing: Just let others do the work
Production blocking: Only one person can speak at a time
Evaluation apprehension: Fear of looking stupid in front of others
We’re also fundamentally conformists, being influenced by other peoples’ ideas/decisions both consciously as well as unconsciously. And it’s not just about wanting to fit in, our perception actually gets changed.
Modular offices seem to be the way forward, with plenty of space for casual chance encounters, but also private space where environments fully controlled by each individual.
II. Your Biology, Your Self?
4. Is Temperament Destiny?
[q] “Some people are more certain of everything than I am of anything.”
- Robert Rubin
Temperament usually refers to inborn behavior and emotional patterns, whereas personality is the complex result of experiences and social influences.
Can actually fairly well predict whether infants turn into introverts or extroverts. Surprisingly, future introverts react much more strongly to sensual input, they are much more reactive. Their amygdala is more sensitive to stimuli. This sensitivity makes them more reactive as infants, but more introspective and thoughtful in later life.
But this inbuilt temperament is only one factor, the reality is more complex and environmental influences and experience play huge role in introvert/extrovert development.
Statistically, about 40-50% of intro-/extrovert tendencies genetic, the rest experiential.
High reactivity comes with both risks and benefits. If raised in bad environment, these kids suffer more psychological damage. But conversely, with the right upbringing they actually grow more (!) emotionally stable than the average, and develop better social skills and empathy.
Highly sensitive kids are more malleable and a parents attention has more influence on later development, for better or worse.
5. Beyond Temperament
[q] “Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenges are just balanced with the person’s ability to act.”
- Mihaly Csikszentmihaly
Experience can teach the frontal cortex to soothe the high sensitivity and irrational fears of the amygdala so that we think we have changed, but the amygdala is unchanged. And when our cortex is busy with other things, e.g. when we are stressed, these expressions of the amygdala can resurface.
Many believe that extroverts require stronger sensual stimulation, while introverts thrive in lower stimulation settings and get overwhelmed by too much input (which can take various forms).
By knowing this we can find our own sweet spots, our optimal level of arousal for being neither bored nor anxious.
[bq] “People who are aware of their sweet spots have the power to leave jobs that exhaust them and start new and satisfying businesses.”
Apparently introverts function better than extroverts when sleep deprived since it numbs stimuli.
6. “Franklin was a politician, but Eleanor spoke out of conscience"
Introverts are naturally harder to study since they don’t exhibit such strong behavior, the most interesting things are happening beneath the surface.
But internal behavior is still behavior, and it can be studied, e.g. with questionnaires.
Highly sensitive people showed more brain activity when presented with two slightly differing images and more often actually identified them as different. In general they tend to think in more complicated ways, which might also explain their general dislike for small talk. They also tend to be highly empathetic.
Highly sensitive people feel much stronger guilt when they’ve done something wrong, and are in general less likely to break rules.
Downside: When overwhelmed by personal emotions like shame or anxiety, can become completely oblivious to other people’s feelings/needs.
Skin conductance and temperature of highly sensitive people higher; also sweat more in response to stimuli; “thinner skin”
Blushing, something many highly sensitive people do easily but hate, is actually something good, it’s uncontrollable and makes one more socially trustworthy and likable/relatable.
Evolutionarily, might think that extroversion and boldness get favored, but there is also space for more careful people, those who think before they act, and see/notice things other’s don’t. “Trade-off theory of evolution.”
[q] “Diversity of personalities [is] maintained by natural selection.”
- David Sloan Wilson
One big problem for politics: It is made for low-sensitivity extroverts.
7. Why did Wall Street Crash and Warren Buffet prosper?
Reward sensitivity motivates us to seek rewards like promotions, lottery jackpots, sex, and social status/influence. If we are too reward-sensitive we can risk too much and get into trouble.
Extroverts more likely to be reward-sensitive, while introverts often pay closer attention to warning signals and are more disciplined.
Reward-sensitivity linked to “the old brain”, the limbic system, opposed by the more rational neocortex. Some argue that stronger reward sensitivity is exactly what makes extroverts extroverts, having “greater economic, political, and hedonistic ambitions”.
Reward system largely controlled by dopamine. The more responsive to dopamine, or the more of it available in brain, the more likely you are to go after rewards like sex, money, and status.
Not conclusive, but extroverts dopamine pathways appear to be more active.
[bq] “Introverts just don’t buzz as easily.”
Suggests that important decisions should at least have some lower-dopamine introverts involved in process to accurately see risks and not blindly follow anticipated rewards.
Introverts also appear better at delaying gratification.
Introverts are “geared to inspect” and extroverts are “geared to respond”.
Extroverts are better at tasks performed under time or social pressure, and those involved information overload or multitasking.
Extroverts can focus most of their mental capacity on a task/goal itself, while introverts use some of their capacity to monitor how the task is going, and other influences.
But introverts think more carefully, and are better at “insightful problem-solving”, not trading accuracy for speed, and deal better with difficulty/frustration.
[bq] “It’s as if extroverts are seeing ‘what is’ while their introvert peers are asking ‘what if’.”
Even in some social tasks introverts can outperform: namely those that require persistence.
[bq] “So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multitasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way. It’s up to you to use that independence to good effect.”
III. Do All Cultures Have an Extrovert Ideal?
8. Soft Power
In America there is a big focus on “classroom participation” and speaking up, but many Asian-Americans see it as talking nonsense. Clash of educational cultures.
On average:
[q] “Asia […] is introverted, Europe extroverted.”
- Robert McCrae
Common attitude in Asia: “Talk is for communicating need-to-know information; quiet and introspection are signs of deep thought and higher truth.”
West praises boldness and verbal skill, East quiet, humility and sensitivity.
Passivity and restraint do not have to be weaknesses. Gandhi for example used them as the source of his power. Soft power is “quiet persistence”.
IV. How to Love, How to Work
9. When Should You Act More Extroverted than You Really Are?
[q] “A man has as many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinion he cares.”
- William James
Many believe that personality traits are fixed, and we just act to fit certain social situations. But Situationalists believe that our traits themselves are conditioned on the specific situation, so that someone can be a true extrovert in one, and a true introvert in another situation.
More recently, the “person-situation” debate has become more nuanced, with both camps admitting that both a fixed personality as well as the situation have an influence.
Free Trait Theory: We are born or culturally bestowed with certain traits, but for the sake of projects we deeply care about we can convincingly act out of character.
Most successful “pseudo-extroverts” are also good at “self-monitoring”, looking for small clues in environment and themselves. They also experience less stress when switching persona.
Even if you’re switching personality traits for the sake of a core personal project you really believe in, you can’t do it too often/long. The key is to get as much “rest” in your true personality as possible, strategically building time-off into your routine. These “restorative niches” allow you to really perform when it matters.
Open offices can be terrible for introverts because they do’t allow for restorative niches, like simply closing the door to your office.
[bq] “We would all be better off if, before accepting a new job, we evaluated the presence or absence of restorative niches as carefully as we consider the family leave policy or health insurance plans.”
[NFW: Interesting for office design. Want restorative niches for both introverts and extroverts.]
In partnerships (business or romantic) should establish “Free Trait Agreements”, doing things in ways that allow both to be their true personality half of the time (e.g. going out vs. staying in). Should also have a Free Trait Agreement with oneself! Socialize up to a certain amount, but then be completely guilt-free for turning down other invitations.
If we act out of character too often/long, risk not only becoming unhappy, but also burning out and becoming physically ill due to weakened immune system.
10. The Communication Gap
People from opposite end of spectrum can both complete each other as friends, business partners, or lovers, or repel each other and be incompatible.
Introverts are not necessarily less social, they are just social in a different way, and a potential partner has to respect that. Introverts socialize with fewer people, but more deeply and intimately.
Often introverts need downtime but extroverts crave attention and company in a relationship which leads to tension or a feeling of not being understood and appreciated.
Need to see each others needs and accept them as legitimate.
During arguments, introverts tend to get more and more cold and removed, trying to avoid confrontation, which makes extroverts more and more angry, who seek resolution through confrontation.
Studies show that introverts like people more they meet in a friendly context, extroverts those they meet in competitive context.
Extroverts should try to not vent their anger (which just fuels more anger) directly. Take a breath or even a break and try to see things more objectively.
Introverts need to learn to acknowledge confrontation and stand their ground instead of withdrawing.
Just knowing these differences and interpreting a partners words/behaviors through them can help have more productive and less severe arguments and diffuse issues.
Social interaction between introverts and extroverts also have benefits: introverts feel energized, and extroverts feel more at ease to talk about serious topics.
11. On Cobblers and Generals
Parent-child interactions is another situation where introvert-extrovert dynamics can be important.
Key is not to rush introvert kids and be understanding and supportive of their quieter nature.
[bq] “Above all, do not shame her for her shyness.”
Introverts and extroverts also require different atmospheres for learning, but most schools are designed for extroverts.
[bq] “Kids stop learning when they feel emotionally threatened.”
Letting a child find what they are passionate about and then supporting them in that will help build their confidence and also socialize with like minded kids.
Conclusion
[q] “Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.”
- Anaïs Nin
[bq] “The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk."