Awareness - Anthony de Mello
The Perils and Opportunities of Reality
[bq] “Spirituality means waking up.”
Most people don’t want to wake up, it’s uncomfortable or even painful.
[bq] “You are never in love with anyone. You’re only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person.”
[bq] “The first step towards waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that you don’t like it.”
[bq] “We’re crazy to the point, I’ve come to believe, that if everybody agrees on something, you can be sure it’s wrong.”
[bq] “When you fight something, you’re tied to it forever. As long as you’re fighting it, you’re giving it power.”
[bq] “That’s what learning is all about where spirituality is concerned: unlearning, unlearning almost everything you’ve been taught.”
Many of us listen to things just to confirm what we already think.
[bq] “When you’re doing something for the love of anybody, it is in your self-interest.”
But doing things out of self-interest, rather than e.g. guilt, is healthy!
[bq] “Stop feeling bad about being selfish; we’re all the same.”
As soon as you put a label on someone, thinking “this person is X”, understanding stops.
[q] “The unaware life is not worth living.” - Socrates
[bq] “If you ever let yourself feel good when people tell you that you’re O.K., you are preparing yourself to feel bad when they tell you you’re not good.”
[bq] “One sign that you are awakened is that you don’t give a damn about what’s gonna happen in the next life.”
[bq] “All suffering is caused by identifying myself with something, whether that something is within me or outside of me.”
[bq] “Anytime you have a negative feeling towards anyone, you’re living an illusion. […] The one who has to change is you.”
[bq] “Suffering exists in ‘me’, so when you identify ‘I’ with ‘me’, suffering begins.”
Not having negative feelings against someone allows you to actually act much more effectively against injustice. Want action, not reaction!
[bq] “We never feel grief when we lose something that we have allowed to be free, that we have never attempted to possess.”
Depending on others psychologically means you depend on them for your happiness. Soon you demand they contribute to your happiness. Then comes fear of loss.
In true love there are no demands, no clinging, no dependence of happiness on the other.
[bq] “Think of the loneliness that is yours. Would human company ever take it away? It will only serve as a distraction.”
Focusing on awareness will allow you to react less and act more.
With awareness, success or failure mean nothing to you. Neither do honor or disgrace, or making a fool of yourself.
[bq] “Isn’t that a wonderful state to be in?"
Often our happiness comes with anxiety:
[bq] “How can I make it last? That’s not happiness, that’s addiction.”
[bq] “We were so drowned in what our culture calls love with its love songs and poems - that isn’t love at all, that’s the opposite of love. That’s desire and control and possessiveness. That’s manipulation and fear, and anxiety - that’s not love.”
[bq] “There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have."
Anger comes from fear.
[bq] “Think of an angry person, maybe someone you’re afraid of. Can you see how frightened he or she is?”
[bq] “What you’re aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.”
Concentration is not the same as awareness. Concentration can be distracted, awareness can’t.
When you identify with labels you cling to them, and that’s where suffering begins.
[bq] “When you really understand this, no criticism can affect you. No flattery or praise can affect you either."
[bq] “That’s what spirituality is all about, you know: unlearning.”
Negative feelings only exist in our own mind.
[bq] “Reality is not problematic. Problems exist only in the human mind.”
[bq] “The person who is asleep always thinks he’ll feel better if somebody else changes.”
[bq] “Part of waking up is that you live your life as you see fit. And understand: That is not selfish. The selfish thing is to demand that someone else live their live as YOU see fit. That’s selfish."
[bq] “When you cling, life is destroyed; when you hold on to anything, you cease to live.”
[bq] “If you don’t look at things through your concepts, you’ll never be bored. Every single thing is unique.”
[bq] “The root of sorrow is craving. Craving distorts and destroys perception.”
[bq] “An attachment is a belief that without something you are not going to be happy.”
[bq] “Reality is lovely; it is an absolute delight. Eternal life is now.”
[bq] “How liberating it is not to depend emotionally on anything.”
[bq] “We’ve been so blinded by everything that we have not discovered the basic truth that attachments hurt rather than help relationships.”
[bq] “Loneliness is when you’re missing people, aloneness is when you’re enjoying yourself.”
[bq] “Has it ever occurred to you that you can only love when you are along?”
[bq] “When you’re ready to lose life, you live it. But if you’re protecting your life, you’re dead.”
[bq] “To come to the land of love, you must pass through the pains of death, for to love persons means to die to the need for persons, and to be utterly alone.”
[bq] “Nourish yourself on wholesome food, good wholesome food. I’m not talking about actual food, I’m talking about sunsets, about nature, about a good movie, about a good book, about enjoyable work, about good company, and hopefully you will break your addictions to those other feelings."